


you wish

by saltalyn



Series: he's the sun and he's the moon [10]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, and they were ROOMMATES, idk just read it, mention of Harry Potter, oh my god they were roommates, we love using draco as a sexual awakening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltalyn/pseuds/saltalyn
Summary: Simon and Baz are roommates at uni. Baz is hopelessly in love with Simon, as he is in every universe. Cue alcohol and slightly homoerotic situations as a result.prompt #30: “Last time we went out, I ended up in some random bloke's bed with you pulling splinters out of my arse. No.” “You can’t expect that to happen again, though.” “Yes, yes I totally can.”
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: he's the sun and he's the moon [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865137
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	you wish

**Author's Note:**

> the working title for this was "is he gay or european?" (from legally blonde) which is extremely fitting, but I wanted to take this a bit more seriously. title is now "you wish" bc "scared, potter?" muahahaha
> 
> when i put this in the drafts, it said it would be automatically deleted on jan 1, 2021, and that date frightens me :')

Baz hates his roommate. He eats like an animal and always uses Baz’s soap. Baz wishes he could come up with more adequate reasons to hate Simon Snow, but he can’t. Baz has decided it’s impossible. Simon Snow is a prince, straight out of a fairytale story, with a name to match. Who names their child ‘Simon Snow,’ anyway? Baz doesn’t know. Simon doesn’t either. 

When they first met, Baz wanted to hate him because he knew he’d eventually fall in love with him. Maybe, if Baz was rude, his already blooming crush would be quelled. To no avail, Simon took Baz’s mean quips in stride and tried to be his friend. Eventually, Simon — platonically — wormed his way into his heart. 

Even after becoming good friends, Baz tried to convince himself that he hated Simon. This was for one reason, and one reason only. You see, Baz is very, deeply gay and Simon is irrefutably straight. 

Baz knows that Simon has never explicitly stated his sexuality, or brought a person from any gender to their dorm (except for Penelope Bunce, but she doesn’t count, they’re just best mates). And yeah, Baz could hope that Simon is queer in any way; but for his sanity, he chose to remain firm in his belief that Simon Snow is straight.

One late night, when they were pissed and bored of everything, Baz had asked Simon why he never mentioned his parents. They were on opposite sides of the couch, legs tangled together. 

“Don’t have any,” Simon had said quietly. “I’m an orphan. I’m only at this school because my orphanage was chosen to be part of a scholarship program for ‘disadvantaged children’ or whatever the fuck it was.”

Baz sobered up a bit.

“You’ve never met them? Or seen a picture?”

“No,” Simon said shortly, then sighed. “I was left on the orphanage’s doorstep with ‘Simon Snow’ written on my arm; nothing more, nothing less. The sisters told me which day they found me, but they have no way of knowing how old I was when they did. I don’t know when my birthday is.” He stumbled through his words, but Baz was able to make out what he said.

Baz stayed quiet for a few seconds. “Shit, Snow. I’m sorry.” Simon shrugged. “While we’re sharing tragic backstories: I’ve never told anyone this, by the way — well, not anyone who hadn’t already known. My mother was murdered in a home invasion when I was five,” he takes a deep breath, trying not to relive that night. “There were these two men, dressed in all black. They stabbed her to death right in front of me. One of them said they ‘didn’t do kids,’ so they left me alone.” Even drunk, Baz knew that saying he wished the men had killed him sometimes would be oversharing. 

Simon’s eyes widened. He wrapped his hand around Baz’s ankle, the one that was resting on his thigh, and squeezed. “Baz… that’s horrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You- you went to coun- couns… ther-apy, right?”

“Of course. I… I don’t think it helped much, though. I think therapy helped me process what happened, but I never really got through it. Pass,” Baz said, holding a hand out for the bottle of wine they’d been sipping from. He wasn’t drunk enough to have this conversation. Simon held the bottle out, their fingers brushing when Baz took it.

“I have… to piss,” Simon slurred. He untangled his legs from Baz’s and dragged himself to the loo. 

Baz sighed. He swallowed down the rest of the wine and dropped in on their coffee table. He spread his limbs out as best as he could and stared up at the ceiling. When Simon came back, he collapsed onto the sofa… the wrong way- like, directly on top of Baz. His brain short-circuited and he stammered out, “The hell are you doing, Snow?”

Simon just pushed his face into Baz’s neck and hummed.

“Snow,” Baz said.

“Mm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Sleeping,” Simon answered matter-of-factly. His body relaxed and his breaths deepened.

“Fuck, _”_ Baz whispered.

So there Baz was, hammered and tired, lying on the sofa with his roommate whom he was in love with sprawled on top of him. Of course, Baz couldn’t move. Sentiment kept him there.

After a few minutes of internal panicking, then more of staring at Simon, sleep claimed Baz.

When he awoke the next morning, he didn’t know where he was. He felt a heavy weight across the length of him. The weight was… Simon? Luckily, they were fully-clothed and on the sofa. Baz didn’t know what he would’ve done if they were in either one of their beds together, or naked. Die right then and there, most likely.

Baz was hungover, obviously. His mouth felt stale with the taste of old wine, and he had a headache just behind his eyes. 

“Simon,” he whispered, nudging his shoulder.

Simon inhaled sharply, “Wha’?”

“Simon, wake up.”

“Mmm… no.” Baz nearly melted. Simon’s voice was deep and raspy.

Baz smiled. It was a small, secret one and he was glad Simon couldn’t see it.

“Wake up, you bastard. You’re heavy.”

“What, Mr. Football Player can’t take a bit of extra weight?” Simon teased.

“Oh, you’re funny this morning,” Baz deadpanned.

“I’m funny every morning, you shit.” 

Baz chuckled. “We can agree to disagree as soon as you get off of me.”

“What if I didn’t-”

“I’ll push you off the sofa, Snow.”

Simon had his hands on either side of Baz and pushed off of them, raising quickly to gasp theatrically and say, “You wouldn’t dare!” He adjusted so he was sitting on Baz’s thighs. “Fuck me, I shouldn’t’ve done that,” he groaned, placing a hand on his head.

Baz laughed, true and loud. He really only laughs like that around Simon.

“You find amusement in my pain, Basilton?” Simon accused.

“No, of course not,” Baz said mock-solemnly. “I would never.”

“Hmph, good,” Simon huffed. “I will get off of you, but only to get paracetamol, not because you asked.”

“Uh-huh.” Simon rolled his eyes and made his way to the loo. Baz threw an arm over his face.

 _Why me?_ he thought desperately. Why did Baz have to fall in love with his straight roommate, who apparently, isn’t too straight to fall asleep on Baz and banter with him in the morning like nothing happened? 

Simon came back with a glass of water and two white pills. Baz bent his legs so Simon could sit by his feet. Simon handed him a pill, then placed the other in his mouth and washed it down with a gulp of water. He passed the glass of water to Baz and watched him swallow. 

Simon placed his hands on Baz’s knees like he was offering a proposal at a business meeting. “Neither of us want to make breakfast,” he stated.

“Indeed.” Baz set the glass on the table.

“So… I propose we take a quick trip to the coffee shop.”

Baz groaned. “But people… and the sun.”

“We have sunglasses and no motivation to cook.”

“Fine,” Baz conceded. 

Throughout the first and second terms, Simon and Baz became closer. They spent time together frequently, either talking or drinking or watching telly or playing games. Simon taught Baz how to shuffle cards in a special way, a trick he learned in the orphanage. 

Even though they were essentially best mates now, they’ve only gone to a party together once.

It was a typical uni party, but Baz was feeling particularly horrible that night, and decided to get blackout drunk. He and Simon took shots and danced together. Completely platonically, to Baz’s dismay. Wallowing in grief and unrequited love, Baz drank much more than Simon, who stopped when he was slightly more than tipsy.

On a lawn full of pissed undergrad students, it’s not impossible to believe that someone tripped, tumbling into Baz. In his drunken state, Baz had completely lost his balance and slid across a planter box.

Simon had just stood there, a hand over his mouth.

“Ow,” Baz muttered. He stood slowly, wincing. 

“Alright?” Simon asked.

“My arse hurts.”

“Your what?”

“My arse. It hurts.” Baz turned so his backside was facing Simon. His mouth fell open. Baz whipped his neck around. “What? What is it?”

“You’ve splinters in your arse,” he announced.

Baz blinked. “Splinters?” he asked incredulously. Simon nodded.

“I’ll… mm… take ‘em out.” Simon led him into the house, up the stairs, and into the host’s bedroom, Baz blanching with every step. Baz crashed face down onto the bed, smashing his face into a pillow. Simon rummaged through the toilet cupboards and found tweezers.

Simon sat on Baz’s legs and took up the task of pulling splinters out of Baz’s arse. Luckily, his jeans protected him and the wood hardly punctured his skin. If Simon were sober, it probably would’ve taken ten minutes tops. But, his vision was a bit blurry and his hand-eye coordination was compromised, so it took about a half hour. 

By the time Simon was done, Baz had fallen asleep, mouth hanging open and hair stuck to his face. 

Simon was hammered and sleepy, so he thought it ought to be nice if he laid down next to Baz and closed his eyes. 

Baz woke up to the sun turning his eyelids red. His face scrunched up as he covered his eyes with his hand. He sat up slowly and surveyed his surroundings. He was in a strange, unfamiliar bedroom. He looked directly next to him and saw Simon sleeping with an arm tossed over Baz’s hips.

“Not again,” Baz muttered. Even though his head hurt, he rolled his eyes to be dramatic. “Christ. Simon,” he whispered. “Simon, wake up.” He shook his shoulder and Simon opened his eyes groggily. 

“Where are we?” Simon croaked.

“The host’s bed,” Baz informed him.

“Really?” Baz made a noise of confirmation. “How far away are we from the dorm?”

Baz patted around him, searching for his phone. When he couldn’t find it, he pulled Simon’s out of his back pocket. He thrust it towards him and Simon placed his thumb on the home button.

“You’re on fifteen percent.”

“Fuck me,” Simon groaned.

 _Gladly,_ Baz thought. _It’s too early for gay thoughts, Pitch. Pull yourself together._

Baz pulled up Google Maps and said, “It’s a ten minute walk.”

Simon’s eyes shut as if he were in pain, “Ten minutes? In this state, that’ll be hell.”

“We’ll survive,” Baz said.

Baz found his phone on the face of a stranger lying on the floor in the bedroom. 

They made the trek back to their dorm room, complaining about hangovers and chit-chatting about coursework.

* * *

They were sat on the sofa again, this time next to each other on their phones. Some inane reality show was on as background noise.

Simon shoved Baz’s knee back and forth. “Baz, Baz, Baz,” he chanted, “we haven’t been out in a while. This girl’s hosting a party like three minutes away from campus.”

“Last time we went out, I ended up in some random bloke's bed with you pulling splinters out of my arse. No,” Baz deadpanned without looking away from his phone. 

“You can’t expect that to happen again, though,” Simon tried.

“Yes, yes I totally can.”

“What are the bloody odds of you getting splinters again?”

“Not low enough,” Baz said.

Simon tilted his body and dropped his head on Baz’s lap to look up at him. Baz’s eyes widened. “It wasn’t so bad last time. We woke up in a nice, comfy bed.”

“We had to do a ten minute walk back here with raging hangovers, Snow. I think I’ll pass.”

“Baaaazzz,” Simon whined.

“Oh, quit your whinging,” Baz sneered. “I’d rather stay in and order takeaway than get splinters.”

Simon pouted and Baz almost agreed to whatever he said. “You’re no fun. But fine, we can get Chinese and watch _Harry Potter_. They’ve a marathon on channel-something, right now.”

“The movies are atrocious compared to the books,” Baz stated.

Simon rolled his eyes. “Who’s actually read the books? They’re like... a thousand pages long.”

“That’s completely inaccurate,” Baz said matter-of-factly. “The longest book is the fifth one, and it’s eight-hundred seventy pages.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Simon teased.

“I hardly think enjoying a well-crafted — albeit lacking in diversity — book series qualifies me as a nerd.”

Simon smiled up at him. “Whatever you say, Baz.” Baz carded his fingers through Simon’s hair before he could stop himself and tried not to look down at Simon too adoringly.

“Of course it’s ‘whatever I say,’ I’m always right,” Baz said haughtily.

“Prick,” Simon said fondly.

Internally, Baz was having a meltdown. The love of his life was lying on their sofa with his head in Baz’s lap while teasing him good-naturedly. _Isn’t this what couples do?_ Baz asked himself. He wouldn’t know, he’s never been in a relationship. A few one-night stands sure, but a fully committed relationship? Baz has never had one, though he wished for one with Simon.

 _Does he just completely lack toxic masculinity?_ Baz thought. Obviously, Simon isn’t homophobic. He shares a dorm with a gay man who wears floral clothing almost daily. Was Simon gay? No, he’d mentioned an ex-girlfriend, Agatha, before. Bi? That could work. Queer? Maybe. 

_No,_ Baz stopped himself, _do not get your hopes up_. 

However, if Simon wasn’t heterosexual, that would explain how comfortable he was around Baz… or maybe he _was_ straight and just really didn’t care. 

Baz has had nights where he’d lose sleep deliberating over Simon’s sexuality. He still hasn’t figured it out, not even after five months of knowing him. Should he just ask him? He mustn't, that would be awkward if he really was straight. Baz didn’t want to take any chances.

A few hours later, they were done with their takeaway and immersed in _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_. 

“I think Draco Malfoy was my sexual awakening,” Simon announced suddenly, during Harry and Draco’s dueling scene. 

Baz nearly choked on a popcorn kernel. “Y- you, you’re not straight?”

“Hmm… no,” Simon said decisively. “I think I’m bi.” He shrugged, “It’s not a big deal. Penny said I didn’t need labels.”

“She’s right. Sexuality is fluid.” Though Baz was freaking out, he wanted to reassure Simon. “So… Draco Malfoy, huh?”

Simon turned to smile at him and Baz’s heart skipped a beat.

“Well, I didn’t know I was… not-straight until this term. But looking back, I realized I’d always had a thing for Draco.”

Baz cleared his throat. “This semester? What… made you… you know….” _God, this is so awkward_. 

“Well,” Simon started, making eye contact, the film completely forgotten, “you.”

Baz froze. “Me?”

Simon nodded. “You haven’t noticed? I’ve been practically throwing myself at you.”

“You have?!”

“Yeah, Baz.” He began listing, “Remember that time I fell asleep on you? When we were pissed that one night? You know I always want to hang out with you here. And I wanted to go to that party with you, but staying here was better than going without you.” Baz’s jaw dropped.

“I thought you were just… I don’t know, comfortable with your sexuality?”

“No, Baz. I fancy you. I have for a bit now, and that was why I had my crisis.”

“I fancy you, too,” Baz breathed. 

“Can I kiss you?” Simon asked. Baz nodded, and Simon leaned toward him slowly, giving him time to back out. Baz would never. Baz’s eyes fluttered shut as Simon pressed his lips against his. 

His lips were plump and chapped and _perfect_. Oh so perfect. Baz’s eyebrows furrowed as he brought a hand up to cup Simon’s jaw. Simon pressed forward, deepening the kiss and putting his hand on Baz’s thigh. Simon pulled away, smirking when Baz chased his lips. 

They gazed into each other’s eyes. Simon’s eyes were such a pretty blue, Baz didn’t know how he’d ever gotten this lucky.

“I’m glad I didn’t go to that party,” Simon murmured. His voice was low and gentle, it didn’t disrupt the quiet atmosphere they’d created.

“Me too,” Baz whispered. Baz placed his hands on Simon’s shoulders and swung his leg over Simon’s. His knees were on either side of Simon’s hips and he settled in his lap.

“Oh-” Simon gasped, eyes wide. Baz grinned down at him devilishly, inky hair framing Simon’s face like curtains. Baz usually had his hair slicked back, but when they were in their room, and it was just him and Simon, Baz let his hair out, falling just above his shoulders. 

Simon dragged his hands up Baz’s legs, knees to hips, before curving around and resting them on Baz’s lower back. 

Simon tilted his head upwards, reaching to connect their lips once again. They kissed reverently, like they were drowning and the other was oxygen.

**Author's Note:**

> my constant referencing to harry potter in these is definitely influenced by the state my tiktok for you page is in right now. as a disclaimer: fuck jkr! all my homies hate jkr! 
> 
> another reference: baz saying that he's deeply gay is a line that stuck with me from the book "red, white & royal blue" by casey msquiston. if you haven't read it already, go read it!!! it was a really amazing book and a fun read. i laughed many times, cringed from second-hand embarrassment, and cried as soon as it was over. i also ordered it on amazon right after. i really recommend it! and if you have read it, and want some fic recs, check my bookmarks!
> 
> please leave a kudos and comment to let me know if you enjoyed!


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